Executive Report Cards, Part 1

26May10

Hopefully all you lovely readers are enjoying your summer, blissfully free of UBC. We’re still here, and also kind of bored… so we read all the AMS executives’ quarterly reports.

Critiques, you ask? Applause? BISH PLZ. That would require us delving into the Issues That Matter. Since it’s impossible to get an interview with these sexy folk, we’re just going to stop at the surface level of their reports. (Which, we might add, would make any stakeholder cringe at the epic amounts of graphic design fail. Can’t you people get some artsy interns in or something?)

Ekat D, VP Administration

FTW: Completed SUB negotiations; maintained perfect mane. Mad Commerce negotiation skillz earned the AMS a grace period of 8 years for services in the old/current SUB, and maintained the winning side of fixed interest rates, among other things. Planned SUB Architect Selection.

Facepalm: Ekat failed to save the equity program from the chopping block—which may or may not be seen as a good thing, depending on whether you ❤ equity or capitalism more. Yay for a lighter portfolio?

Sparkles: there is apparently a “huge ongoing issue” with the water polo club…wait, what? We have a water polo club? Um, we’re having a major flashback to the good ol’ days, when we were but young sprogs watching the OC in our dorm/parents’ rec room…

not to be confused with an Issue That Matters.

Dramz (Possibly Imaginary): She mentioned the Ubyssey Architect profile of stock questions to the firms and how that helped their campaign in March…however, she totally snubbed former VP Admin Crystal Hon & the intense Issues That Matter blogging that occurred in April while Architect Selection was actually taking place. Plus, Crystal wasn’t present at the signing of the SUB negotiations…which she worked on for a year. KNIFE FIGHT OR JUST DUMB POLICY?

Her quarterly also mentions a miscommunication between the former Equity Big Head Guru & the new occupants of her once-proudly-Equitized office space. Hey, Emma? apparently you need to return some keys. We know leaving is hard, but sit-ins are just too, too retro.

“While I am in commerce, I’m no blood-thirsty, greedy, proletariat-crushing capitalist that hates equity and i think the whole Equity idea within the AMS has gone amuck.”

Ben Cappellacci, VP Academic & University Affairs

FTW: Ben’s working on implementing the Credit/D/Fail system which will help our—well, mostly your—GPAs! WOO. He also merged the Safewalk and Safety offices and seemed to generally care about and work with international students.

this bears little relevance but had to be posted anyway.

Facepalm: Ben mentions the “Sale of Liquor” database in his report…but SOL’s are “Special Occasion Licenses.” Ben writes as if he is involved in this project, while in reality, this editor hasn’t witnessed Ben inputting over 1000 SOL’s into a database past midnight on a Saturday night. [Important disclaimer: Taylor, Girlfriend of Insider, gets all defensive when her mans has to work late.] Ben’s office houses the binders that the SOLs are stored in, but this is mainly an Issues That Matter volunteer project.
Also, Ben doesn’t seem to love council much.
Sparkles: The new campus plan for the next 20 years includes the goal to house 50% of all UBC students in residence. The Sauder Store is coming in September 2011, and we only have 2 more years of the horrid Vista system left (OH THANK GAWD).
Dramz: Ben lays some executive-speak smack down on former AVP Ian Turner, saying their relationship was “strained at best” and that Ian “was unable to produce a completed project during his time in the office.” Ooo~ooh, burn. On the other hand, Ian totally made Sportswriter of the Year.
“AMS Council is truly the stuff of legend.”

die, old man blazers, DIE.

Jeremy McElroy, VP External
FTW: Jeremy went to Ottawa, came home, and we became Associate Members of CASA again! He also dealt with a debacle around the U-Pass Subsidy Fund, which was fully allocated to students in financial need for the first time ever. He then found out that the U-Pass mailouts were being paid for from this fund, so there was a 60k overdraft. Bad former Execs! bad!
FACEPALM: OH MY GAWD THAT BLAZER. Also, a notable lack of copy editing in this one. We’d volunteer to look over the drafts next time, but somehow we don’t think he’d go for it.
Sparkles: what’s up with Lobby Days? Is that happening this year despite the OVER 9000!!!1!!!!1! DOLLARZ aspect? What does a girl have to do to score herself an invite to that party?
Dramz: HST is looming like my thighs after a winter of inactivity, and there’s a BC Lobby initiative trying to get off the ground. And considering that the province has promised a universal post-secondary pass but provided no details—well, it doesn’t take a Commerce major to realize that our traditionally Hells Of Low fees could rise to accomodate other schools.
More next time, as we delve into the shallow, shallow depths of QUARTERLY REPORTS woooooo
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12 Responses to “Executive Report Cards, Part 1”

  1. 1 AJ

    This was probably my favourite post yet.

    Props.

  2. 2 Gossip Guy

    I might actually have the exact same blazer as Ben. Taylor, I’m totally wearing it next time I see you.

  3. 3 Istarbel

    So much ❤ for you ladies. I love the pictures as always and Ben's is just fab. I would use it as my desktop if it wasn't because it would make me seem very stalkerish.

    ps. im using my internet name as i get confused when other isabel writes here with my name

  4. 4 SomeGuy

    Good post, I completely agree. From what I understand, Crystal wasn’t invited to the ceremony and was not thanked for all the hard work she and put into the agreement last year…how very curious to see how this year’s exec have acted like this is solely their acheivement when it isn’t.

    • 5 SomeGirl

      Actually, I’m sure she WAS invited. And ACTUALLY, BOTH execs did a lot of hard work. and ACTUALLY do your research before you post.

      • 6 SomeOtherGuy

        She was not. She was not even mentioned or thanked. I’m sure this was a great photo op for the new exec with the violin and origami and all, but really?

      • Neither Crystal nor Blake were invited to the ceremony, despite the countless hours both committed to the agreements before Ekat and Bijan took over.

        Yes, both execs put in a lot of hard work, and I don’t think SomeGuy was trying to dispute this; rather, he is displeased with the lack of gratitude displayed by the current exec.

        @SomeGirl – “and ACTUALLY do your research before you post.” What was he to do? Hack their emails or listen to the recordings of the phones he previously tapped? Would there be some other means of obtaining such information?

  5. 8 Cappellacci

    Thanks AMS confidential for picking such flattering photos of me all the time!

  6. 9 SamzJung

    This is an excellent post. One of my favourites so far. Can’t wait for the breakdown of Elin and Bijan’s reports!

  7. 10 Katherine

    Taylor, I love the Unicorn clip art. ❤

  8. 11 HHH

    Your art is awesome. Entertainment in and of itself. And I mean that in the most neutral and impartial way possible.

  9. 12 Paul Korczyk

    Brown blazers ftw!


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