Dear EA Will McEwan: We’re so sorry

16Mar10

Oh, how times have changed.

Remember when we were all, “EUS have their shit together” and praised them up and down? PISH-TOSH.  Crack a beer, friends, and learn all about the shenanigans going on in the nerdotron faculty.

Julian Ritchie just disendorsed himself for EUS President, citing a wish to not split the vote.  If you’re American, this decision can be explained as an alternate universe in which Ralph Nader disendorsed himself in the 2000 Gore/Bush elections.  Of course, Julian Ritchie is a lot smarter than Ralph Nade oh hey, back to the coverage.  So why would Ritchie ask his supporters to reconsider their choice?  In other words, who’s Bush?

He’s still running, and can’t say for sure…

In unrelated news, “as everyone who looks at the elections website can see,” there’s an apparent Iranian/Persian slate running in the election [Ed. note: I didn’t say it, but someone Iranian did: “They can hold meetings in Farsi!”]  Sources say they handed in paperwork together, and only recently de-friended one another on Facebook (although if FB were an indicator of slates, the whole damn system would be screwed).  And you might notice while Facebook stalking that the supporter of one tends to be the supporter of all the others.  And you might also notice that they all seem to have the same campaign points, even when such points fall outside of the position they’re running for.  BUT IT’S TOTALLY NOT A SLATE, AND WE’RE NOT SAYING THAT.

So, aside from some platform glitches, what’s the problem?  After all, this isn’t the AMS’s first—or only—unofficial (apparent) slate.  What’s worrying insiders is the fact that all of these candidates, with no exception, appear to be hilariously incompetent.

they're our corporate sponsor

OH MY GAWD EDITOR LADY i dont understand what would make you say that CLEARLY you know NOTHING AT ALL about elections RAWWWRRRRR on what evidence could you POSSIBLY base this HEINOUS ACCUSATION

Well, for one thing, there’s the clusterfuck of a wall on Presidential candidate Sina Sahami’s election event.  It’s 10 pages long now, and no doubt getting longer, so I’ll save you the trouble and say that it’s disheartening, not least of all because of the sort of crazymaking Sahami supporter who says things like this:

I heard people commenting that [Sina’s 50% participation goal] is far-fetched simply because even countries have not been able to do so. Yes that is true. However, I believe that the problem is the government bodies themselves; they DO NOT WANT MANY PEOPLE TO BE ACTIVE.

FROM THE MOON PEOPLE, WITH THE RADIO WAVES

Actually, come to think of it, there are a few secret/exclusive societies at UBC, aren’t there?  Here’s one I found:

does this count as community service, you guys?

Sina himself does a lot of shit-disturbing on his wall, calling the former exec “incompetent” and “dishonest,” and saying that EUS leaders are “ditching responsibility” (mostly in regards to budget transparency).  Numbers (& more complex explanations than FALSE!!1!) are boring, but here are some rebuttals from people who don’t think so, and have actually held office:

There’s this note from former President Chris McCann (or, if you prefer, Chris McCAN’T HAR HAR HAR).

And THIS one from Shahrzad “Charizard” Pedram, who more than thoroughly details her credentials (and name-checks Dreamboat Sean Heisler &hearts).

this is actually her grad photo

And my dear friend Omid “Too Legit to Quit (the AMS) (EVER)” Javadi, in his epic 300-word meme-packed epic nerd elections breakdown, not only covered most of the incompetency concerns, but also ensured that no woman will ever find him attractive.  [Ladies: do you like dance music, cleanliness, and teh internetz? do you find body hair the single greatest indicator of virility? tact: your nemesis, or just unnecessary social frippery? IF SO, DIAL 1-900-WOAHMID FOR A GOOD TIME]

Anyway, that’s three people (five, if you include the candidate and his supporters) with inside information raising legitimate concerns about the competency of this (apparent) slate.  What’s next, Formerly-Put-Together EUS? Disendorsements? Dropouts?? THE END OF DAYS??!?!?!

THIS IS WHY I'M HOT

IN CONCLUSION: hey, Mining Engineer Alex MacKinnon, who may or may not still look like this:

rejected olympic mascot "neerdii" finds your views interesting, wishes to subscribe to your newsletter

I’ve never met you, and I tend to believe that miners are all a bunch of fratboy rock jockeys (WHAT UP, MINERS). But remember when you said “This is where I wish I could post that Picard facepalm picture”??!?  Well, we tend to agree.

WHO LOVES YA B

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8 Responses to “Dear EA Will McEwan: We’re so sorry”

  1. 1 Julian Ritchie

    You guys made my day.
    In related news almost felt bad for Omid, WOW impressive burn.

  2. 2 Omid Javadi

    I challenge your assertions Kai. I ensured that no woman would ever find me attractive years ago.

    Also, you missed a 0, my post was closer to 3000 words.

  3. 3 bowinn

    Oh, beat you out, Omid. 4500!

  4. I’ve been listening to headdesk.ytmnd.com/ song for the last 30 minutes. It is almost as addictive as popcorn.

  5. 5 Istarbel

    As always fabulous. I give you 3000 sparkle points and 5 golden stars

  6. 6 Alex MacKinnon

    Personally I’m more partial to the classic Picard/Riker double facepalm.

  7. You confidientialists rock! As always, a thoroughly enjoyable read.

  8. 8 Chris McCANN

    Thanks Kai… now everyone knows… 😦


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